I didn't love India because it was easy. Quite the opposite. India stared into me and made me feel naked in ways I didn't know I could. It expertly probed at my soul and found the most sensitive parts, poking at them as if they were only bruises on a peach. It made me feel uncomfortable in ways I resisted at first, but the longer I spent there, the more I learned how to accept. The bruises gradually toughened.
I learned things about myself. I had always thought myself a very independent person. I was always proud of the fact that I needed no one to be happy. India showed me a sort of community that I had never known existed. It was as if I had been missing it my whole life and never even knew what it was. It filled a space in me that I didn't know was there until it wasn't. I know now that needing people isn't something to be ashamed of.
India revealed my shortcomings to me as casually as a friend telling me about their day. I learned to read into my feelings of frustration and helplessness and to dig to the root of them. I know now that time is an invention of humans and it has no importance. India taught me that.
I would sometimes feel as though India was scrubbing me until I was raw. Standing in the busy streets, covered in a layer of filth, I never felt cleaner. More exposed. As if the layers covering my soul had melted away and my true light could finally shine through, unobstructed.
And I felt accepted. I was stared at with my blonde hair and fair skin. Everywhere I went, I felt eyes. Normally, in other countries this made me feel uncomfortable, as if I was on display. But the love in the heart of Indians made it something different. I felt vulnerable as I had never felt before. But I felt safe.
For me, discovering India opened a whole new world. And it revealed a whole new me. I know that this me was here the whole time, guiding me along from her hiding place deep within. But India was the place I finally met her and we finally became one. I love that land with my whole heart. I love the people and the smells. I love the sounds and the colours. But most of all, I love the person India makes me, and there is no love stronger than that.
I learned things about myself. I had always thought myself a very independent person. I was always proud of the fact that I needed no one to be happy. India showed me a sort of community that I had never known existed. It was as if I had been missing it my whole life and never even knew what it was. It filled a space in me that I didn't know was there until it wasn't. I know now that needing people isn't something to be ashamed of.
India revealed my shortcomings to me as casually as a friend telling me about their day. I learned to read into my feelings of frustration and helplessness and to dig to the root of them. I know now that time is an invention of humans and it has no importance. India taught me that.
I would sometimes feel as though India was scrubbing me until I was raw. Standing in the busy streets, covered in a layer of filth, I never felt cleaner. More exposed. As if the layers covering my soul had melted away and my true light could finally shine through, unobstructed.
And I felt accepted. I was stared at with my blonde hair and fair skin. Everywhere I went, I felt eyes. Normally, in other countries this made me feel uncomfortable, as if I was on display. But the love in the heart of Indians made it something different. I felt vulnerable as I had never felt before. But I felt safe.
For me, discovering India opened a whole new world. And it revealed a whole new me. I know that this me was here the whole time, guiding me along from her hiding place deep within. But India was the place I finally met her and we finally became one. I love that land with my whole heart. I love the people and the smells. I love the sounds and the colours. But most of all, I love the person India makes me, and there is no love stronger than that.
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