A year. 52 weeks. 365 days. 8766 hours. These were the thoughts going through my head as I stood in the security line at the Edmonton airport watching my best friend and my boyfriend disappear into the crowd. I was suddenly acutely aware of just how utterly alone I was.
For months leading up to my trip, I had variations of the same reaction when I told people I would be making this journey alone. "You're crazy!" or "Wow... alone? I would never do that." I always brushed it off. Alone was the only way to do it, as far as I was concerned. But all of a sudden, the word "alone" felt different to me. Where it had once stirred an excitement within me, I now felt fear and loneliness.
The flight to Phoenix was restless. I managed to sleep on and off. When I was awake, all I could think about was what I was leaving behind. My life at home was good. It was great! What was I doing? I tried to read. I couldn't focus. I listened to music. It all reminded me of home.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, the plane landed in Phoenix. While we sat on the tarmac, waiting for our gate to clear, the woman next to me asked me if I was staying in Phoenix. I started to explain to her that I would be in Phoenix for 5 days, but I wouldn't be returning to Edmonton for a year or so. All of a sudden I was crying. As I told her about my amazing adventure ahead of me, tears rolled down my cheeks. I was embarrassed. I figured she would judge me. What kind of spoiled kid gets to go on the trip of a lifetime and cries about it? But much to my surprise. she didn't bat an eye.
"I did a trip very similar to that when I was your age," she said. "I lived and worked in Australia for a year, and afterwords, I travelled Asia for two months. Are you going alone?"
I told her I was, fully expecting the same reaction I had had most other times I had received this question. But much to my surprise, she smiled.
"It's the only way to do it," she told me. "You may be embarking alone, but once you begin your trip, you are never alone."
I thanked her, she went on her way, and I went on mine. But over the next 5 days, her words stuck with me. I slowly realized what she meant. I am going to meet so many people on this trip. I'm leaving behind so many great people, but they will be there when I get back. They will be there for me while I'm gone when I need them. But along my way, I am going to meet so many more people. A year from now, my life will be so much richer with relationships I could never imagine my life without.
And suddenly, the word "alone" didn't feel so scary. Alone felt like an opportunity. A challenge.
Come at me world. I'm ready for anything and everything you have to offer.