The Gift of Being Present

     One of the most amazing things I have found since I began travelling, is how important it is to be present. So often, my mind completely takes over and I get so lost in my thoughts that I completely miss the present moment. I think "wow, this is beautiful." And immediately my mind starts creating the Facebook status I'm going to write about it later, or imagining how I'm going to describe this beauty to a friend or family member at home. Meanwhile, the beauty is still all around me, but my busy mind has made me blind to it.  
But lately, I've been making a conscious effort to stay present. To truly take in the vast beauty of what I'm seeing.
In the first case, the mind knows what it's seeing is beautiful. It's an automatic response to say "this is pretty." But then it gets immediately distracted.
When I'm making an effort to be present, to still the mind and take in the beauty with the eyes of the soul, it feels completely different. The trees and the mountains are alive. My mind is still, but I can feel to the core of my being the beauty that is all around me. The beauty is reflected inside me and I know that all beings everywhere are one.
It's almost comparable to someone telling you you look nice, but the good feeling is multiplied by millions. Trillions even. Because it's not my outer appearance (which isn't truly me and will one day disappear) that is being complimented. The entire earth is complimenting everything good within me. And I KNOW it to be true! What a better feeling than looking out at this amazing, gorgeous, living, breathing planet of ours, and knowing that all of that beauty and more exists within each and every one of us, whether we realize it or not.
Often times, when my mind switches back on by force of habit, my first thought is an overwhelming urge to hug everything and everyone on this earth. I feel so connected to my fellow beings and the only way my mind can attempt to grasp this feeling is by wanting to be physically close to everything. Which of course is impossible. But imagine if everyone made a conscious effort to be present? Human destruction would cease. Killing of other sentient beings, the destruction of this amazing planet we live on. It would all stop. Because people would realize that everything out there is an extension of themselves.
I believe we have all had glimpses of this feeling, when the sheer beauty of something stops our thoughts, if only for a few seconds. Next time, try to make it last. Or create it for yourself. Any time, any place. You don't have to be overlooking snow capped mountains in northern India. You can look up at the deep blue sky on a summer day. Or allow the sheer vastness of the universe to overwhelm you on a clear night. You can find beauty in the untouched white after a fresh snowfall or in the sincere smile of a perfect stranger. But notice it. Really notice it. Feel it. Become present. Feel the earth beneath your feet and trust it to hold you. Feel the tickle of the breath on your nostrils and focus all of your attention on this moment right now. Allow yourself to receive the greatest compliment you can ever receive and relish in it, if only for a few seconds. Ain't nothing going to make your day like that. 

Expectation is the root of disappointment

About a week ago I went to a place called Dalhousie to climb the infamous Adam's Peak. The climb consists of 5800 stairs. We woke up at about 2AM and started the trek, hoping to arrive at the peak by sunrise. It is a treacherous climb. The pathway is pitch black, foggy, and infested with leaches. The stairs get extremely steep, especially near the top, and the wind is very cold and very strong. About halfway up, my friend decided to turn back. But I was under the impression that once I reached the top, all of my hard work would be rewarded with a gorgeous view of the sun rising over the hills and nearby lake. So I kept on. A few minutes after Kate turned back, I caught up with a couple of guys from Slovenia. The three of us huffed and puffed our way up the last half and arrived at the top an hour and a half before sunrise. It was only slightly above freezing at the top and the wind felt like it would tear my skin right off my bones. We found a little alcove where the force of the wind was slightly lessened and we waited.
As time progressed, more and more people arrived at the top. Eventually, the two Slovenians, three Brits and I decided to move to a little hallway we figured might give us slightly more of a reprieve from the wind pelting us with icy rain drops. The six of us hung out in that hallway for the next hour keeping each other warm with liquor and huddles. We shared stories of our travels and joked about our dire circumstances.
     Eventually, the time came for sunrise. We zipped and hooded up, and left our little hallway braving the cold for the spectacular sunrise we were sure to see. Well... We saw nothing. It was too foggy to even tell where the sun was supposed to be. Our spectacular sunrise ended up being the sky gradually, uniformly lightening while the wind tore at our clothes and faces.
     When I realized we weren't going to see anything, I had two choices. I could allow the dread that I could feel at the peripheries of my mind to take over. I could let my heart sink. I could allow disappointment to take over and leave a sour stain on everything I had so far experienced that day.
Or, I could be thankful for the experience that I had and enjoy it for exactly what it was.
     My first instinct was to be disappointed. We had come all this way, climbed all these stairs just for the view! I wanted the view! But as I felt my previous good mood melting away, I decided to take a step back and try the second option.
     The past two hours had been amazing! I had managed to keep climbing even when my muscles were screaming at me to stop. I had conquered 5800 stairs before the sun was even up. I had laughed and shared stories with people I otherwise would never have met and bonded with these same people as we huddled together to keep each other warm in the cocoon of blue fog that was stealing our sunrise.  I may not have seen the view I came for, but I had a great morning. It wasn't what I expected, but should that make it any less positive?
    Expectation is the root of disappointment. Expecting things to work out a certain way can often blind us from seeing the good in the way they do work out in reality. I'm learning to let go of expectation and be present. Suddenly, life seems so much sweeter.

My Dream Life

Everybody has a different definition of living. Everybody imagines a different thing when they think of their dream life. For some, it's having a job they love, a caring, loyal spouse, a comfortable home, and beautiful children. For some, it's having a mansion so big they don't even know what to do with all the space, 5 different gleaming sports cars in the garage, and vacations homes on white sand beaches all over the world.
But for me, it's exactly this. Travel. My dream life consists of no more possessions than I can carry on my back. It consists of sand in my sheets and showers that are never consistently cold or hot. Never being sure where I'm going to be sleeping two nights from now. Or maybe even two hours from now. It consists of meeting hilarious, inspiring, selfless, people from every corner of the earth to share all of my experiences with.
     I know this is my dream life because sometimes I am so overwhelmed with love for everything that I almost choke. I just want to run around and hug every living thing and squeeze them until our hearts explode. I want to climb to the tallest peak and scream to the entire world that I am so incredibly, hopelessly in love with every single cell of it.
     Everybody has a different idea of living. And thank God for that. How boring the world would be if we were all the same. Ask yourself what your dream life is, and go get it. Live it. For all any of us know, this is all we get. So love the shit out of your life!

Loneliness vs Solitude

Alone. The word can be positive or it can be negative. It can stir within you a feeling of fear or excitement. Having been travelling on my own for four months now, I have had my fair share of alone time. For the most part, I find it empowering, exciting, easy. But there are times when I feel so alone I have to fight the urge to jump on the next plane home where I can be surrounded by people who know me and love me.
 
   Alone. On one side we have solitude. On the other; loneliness. On one side we have the positive and on the other, the negative.

    Solitude is having a meal alone and being completely content in your own company. Solitude is wandering through the streets of an unknown city and getting completely and utterly lost, but feeling nothing but exhilaration because you are responsible to no one and have absolutely nowhere to be. Solitude is staying in on a rainy day and watching 10 episodes of Orange is the New Black because you feel like it. Solitude is amazing. It's necessary. It's getting to know yourself the way another might get to know you, by simply spending time with you.

    Loneliness, on the other hand, is having your heart broken and having no one to wipe your tears. Loneliness is being sick and having no one nearby who even knows you, let alone will hold your hair back while you are violently ill. Loneliness is being in a group of people who are all having fun and feeling like an outsider. Loneliness is dark. Loneliness is empty. But loneliness, too, is necessary.

     See, solitude and loneliness are two sides to the same coin. You can't have one without the other.  The amazing, empowering feeling you get when you are alone is only there because you realize that you have surpassed loneliness. You are content in your own company. There is no one else on earth you would rather be sharing this moment with than you. Of course we need others in our lives. When times are difficult, especially. But to know that you can always count on yourself and to be comfortable with that, that's the kind of alone I am becoming unable to live without.

Every Minute of It

I recently came across a saying on facebook or pinterest or somewhere that said "Be in love with your life, every minute of it." And at the time I thought that sounded nice so I liked it or repinned it or maybe both. Today, as I was sitting on the ground after teaching some new and old friends a yoga class in the park in the beautiful sunshine, that saying suddenly popped into my head. I thought, "This is what it feels like to be so utterly in love with your life. This right here."
   
  Then the second half of the saying came up. "Every minute of it." That's where it gets difficult. Of course I'm in love with my life right now. I'm in a beautiful place surrounded by beautiful people without a care in the world except where I'm going to sleep Monday night (I should maybe care, but I don't). The hard part is being in love with your life when you're almost done a 13 hour shift and about to lock the doors when a table walks in and orders coffee. Or that dreaded minute when you're in the middle of an argument and you realize you're wrong. You have to love these minutes too.
 
   I think the trick lies in soaking up the moments when it comes easily. When you feel truly content and happy, bask in it. Stop for a moment and really notice it. Remember it. Then when you are struggling to remember why life is so great, just try to remember that feeling. Remember that it exists, then go one step further and try to recreate it in your body and spirit. Regardless of circumstance. Because sometimes we forget that this entire life is a gift. The best gift we will ever receive. Every minute of it.

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

These past few weeks, I have found myself contemplating everything that has lead to me meeting all the people I have met, and continue to meet. Every moment, every decision in every one of our lives has led us here, to the same hostel or train or bar in Spain. Each of us with our own past. Our own reasons for being where we are. It's a rather exhausting thing to think about. I find myself contemplating the "what ifs". What if I had never chosen to go to Primavera Sound in Barcelona? I would have already walked the Camino. Would I have met someone who completely changed my life? Did I miss an opportunity?

    Last night, I walked into the common area of my hostel and there was a man sitting on the couch. He looked up at me, and before even saying hello, he said "You are a light bearer." So I thought "Cool, here's a weirdo. This should be interesting." But we started talking. He told me about how he used to be a workaholic. He used to care only about making money. And he was good at it. He had 70 million dollars in the bank. He had planes, boats, cars, properties. Then the market crashed and he had nothing. He was living in a parking lot. Cold, wet, and hungry. So he started a non profit organization, and before he knew it, he was speaking in front of thousands of people, several times a day. He told me the market crash was the best thing that has ever happened to him and he couldn't be more grateful.

     His plan now, is to spend a month in every single country. It will take him 15.7 years he says. But he's doing it. He's already been to countries that Americans "can't" go. He's already been threatened with death numerous times. He's been robbed. He's nearly been arrested. But he told me "When you radiate love and peace, you are protected. Nobody wants to hurt someone on their side. So give. Give everything you can. Love everyone with everything you have. Be a source of divine light. You will be amazed what life gives back to you."

    As I was thinking about this, he asked me, "What have you learned on your trip?"
When people would ask me this question before, I would say something along the lines of the world being too big and beautiful to ever comprehend. But this time, without thinking, words were just falling out of my mouth. I said, "I have learned that every person I meet on this trip needs something from me, and I from them. Every moment, in every one of our lives brought us here, together, not out of coincidence, but because our paths were meant to cross. And sometimes the lessons and impacts we have on each other are greater than others. But I have never made a wrong decision in my life and I never will. It's not possible."
"Do you understand now how you are a light bearer?," he asked, "I saw it in your eyes the moment you walked in."
And I understood.
 
   For the rest of the night, I walked slower, I noticed more, I felt peaceful. Very similar to the feeling you get after a really amazing yoga practice. I felt so incredibly present.

     The man left this morning, and I likely will never see him again. But he came into my life and accomplished what he came to do. He reminded me that there is no "what if." There is only what is. And what is is exactly perfect.

Finding Yourself

    Often times, you hear people say that they are going travelling to find themselves. When I left home, I would say this, but not really fully grasping what it meant. This morning, as I sat on the beach and watched the sunrise with a new friend and fellow solo traveller, our discussion turned to why we were here. Why we were travelling alone. He said "When you're in the same place,who you are is constantly influenced by the people around you. Everyone is guilty of it. Acting differently around different people. But when you're travelling, you only have you. You have to be who you are."

    I've been reflecting on this all day. Solo travel strips you down to your rawest, most vulnerable core. Everyone you meet is seeing you for the first time. They don't know you through someone else. They haven't heard stories about your past or what kind of person you are. You are just you.

   I started to compare this to the search for enlightenment. Yoga, meditation, Buddhism, really all religions if you want to look at it this way, they all centre around uncovering your true self. Stripping down the layers of personality and hobbies and all the artificial things that make up "you" and getting to the centre. To the purest form of you.
 
   And I finally understood exactly how travel helps you find yourself. When you're out in the world, alone, meeting new people, you don't have a preconception of how to act around these people. You just have to be yourself. Your raw, pure, true self. It's a journey of discovery. Pealing back all the layers of who you thought you were and coming home to the truth.